why would my wife have to sign along with me a deed in lieu i requested when her name isnt on the property

Is her name on the mortgage? If yes, then she will have to sign on the deed in lieu of foreclosure docs. However, if her name is not on the mortgage or on the property, then there is no need for her to sign any docs. You should contact the lender and try to clarify the matter.

You can know all about deed in lieu of foreclosure from the given page: http://www.mortgagefit.com/deed-lieu.html .